got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she pinky promised me she was 18
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
