ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
