since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
