still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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