Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
