I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
