just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
