Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
