so let's talk penis.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
How naked do you want me to be?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
