He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
