im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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