You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
