he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
