So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
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