I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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