Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
