maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
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