which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
