Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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