by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
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i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
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If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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