i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
