dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
