WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
