you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
