So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
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