You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
