This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
