Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
