Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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