she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
