We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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