It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I wish you could order shots online.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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