it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
