So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
i need some magic done to my vagina
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
