Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
