just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
