hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we're making bets on your personal life
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
