is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
