apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
