Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
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