Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
