She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
