32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You dont lie about slip and slides
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
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