umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
