his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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