Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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