So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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