I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Randomize
