your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
