Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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