Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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