MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
