He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
