How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
