Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
That's how pantless uber rides happen
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
