And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
