So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
