Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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