I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
