Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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