This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
