thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
