is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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